Where We Gonna Go??

Every once in a while, something seemingly average ends up striking you in a way that you can't explain. This happens to me plenty of times in music. Granted, I sometimes fall victim to the glitz and glamor of videos... but when music and visuals are done just right, it doesn't take much outside of being simple and to the point.

The right angle here... a quick shot there... a glimpse of an object... a spec of color.... words laid flawlessly over a stunning visual.

That's actually the feeling I got as I watched the video for "Where We Gonna Go" by Tabi Booney feat. Lykke Li for the first time. Not only are the vocals from Lykke Li powerful in their own subtle way, Tabi didn't disappoint either. Throw in a beautiful, curvaceous vixen, raw & simple camera shooting... to me it wins. Beautiful video. Give it a look-see.

So... I have many decisions that need to be made... soon.

I am at a serious place in my life right now... pushing 23, months away from graduation, close to being thrown into my chosen career path, a short time away from making one of the biggest moves of my life and more importantly I am coming into my own. It's a scary, but awfully exciting place.

I'm worried. I'm anxious. I'm overwhelmed. I am every possible feeling right now. I don't know where to start. All I know is that I have to get my mind right. Period. It's time for me to leave the childish shit behind and focus. I gotta get to my dreams... and it takes so much hard work... and so much change. But change is inevitable... in friendships, relationships, environments & everything in between. I embrace change. Life would be terribly boring without it.

I am at PEACE...

Music truly calms my soul. As I sit here in Wayne State's student center, watching all these trashy, ratty, unintelligent people, I start to get a little angry. They are all so loud, rude, and annoying. I find it hard to believe adults act this way. But, as soon as I slip on these headphones and play some music, things get better. Life would not be as fulfilling if I didn't have the access to music the way I do. Music is largely life.

True fucking story.

It's been a while... and I see the blog world is dying a slow death. I suppose I can revive my end of it though. Starting this week I'll be back. I need a relief. Should be a treat, Tricks. And we all like treats... don't we?

To put it plainly, I am so fucking sad right now. I hate him, but at the same time... I can't. I love him too much. I have cried every freaking day and it is taking a lot out of me. I just want him to love me... the right way. And he doesn't. Go figure. For some reason I feel like the tears just won't be enough.

So it's been another year. And for that I am most happy for. I thank God for giving me the opportunity to make it to another birthday. So many times I can say I might have not deserved it, but he forgiven me and allowed me more time. And for that, I am thankful. What have I learned this past year?? That people are never what they seem, friends can sometimes be even more evil than your so-called enemies, that you find bonds in the strangest places, and that if you loose yourself there is a chance you will never recover. There has been some really hard lessons, but I can only say that I guess I have been made stronger. At least I hope so...

I am lonely.

The saddest thing in life is being in a room full of people and still be lonely.

Loneliness is one of those things that is all too consuming. You can't shake it. It isn't easily defeated. It literally is a full on physical control over your mind. Meaning, your external problem is creating an even larger internal dilemma. I've had so many people around me who really have never had my best interest at heart. And being around them for so long has just caused the loneliness to grow. It's sad really. I never expected to be so weak, so fragile and easily controlled by such a pathetic emotion. Yet, here I am. Waiting on the day that it all changes. Maybe I shouldn't wait. Maybe I should do something, anything, to bring about some change.

But how do you do such a thing when the very essence of loneliness depends on someone else?